Its because all she sees is an angry child whos headed down a bad path and needs serious help NOW. Hes a 5-year-old who misses his friends and school. Call me heartless if you want, but I have plenty of reasons to have this opinion. Photo by lisafx/iStock/Getty Images Plus. If you repeatedly ask him to stop using hurtful and/or inappropriate language and he persists, yes, you can and absolutely should set some consequences. I know that you love your daughter, and that as she grows youll delight in and be proud of her for reasons you cant even imagine yet. And youll have to actually mean it. Sometimes, this is great (hes really into Raina Telgemeier). When they got home, they were apologetic that he hadnt gone to sleep the way he usually does by that time, and I said he was probably a little hungry because he had only had half of his first bottle and hadnt taken the second. I get it, thoughyou have a beautiful daughter. I cant speak to your relationship with your husband because youve said little about it. How do I get over this? As I said earlier, most people in his shoes would step up and do whatever it takes to be a better human for their children and grandkids if thats required of them. Charlie was recently asked to analyze an interactive piece of art for school. Submit your questions about parenting and family life here. Im pretty sure I am overreacting, but I still dont know if I should discourage him or not. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. No, Im sorry. I dont think having young kids when hes this old helped his health (my oldest sibling is 10 years older than me and has a 4-year-old, meaning my youngest sister is the same age as her nephew). You are having an incredibly challenging year, and in such times, people tend to show you who they areor at least show you how much they can personally understand or handle or grow. I think you do have to get back into therapy. My question is, what do I say to these people? We met, got married, and live in her hometown. In the meantime, when Daisy confides in you about her mothers awfulness, can you bring yourself to say, Im so sorry that happened. I asked my daughter to follow two rules while here: Not to bring home endless guests, and that she not get pregnant while living here. I hate the idea of taking books away, and Im also not sure how to monitor it when his sister is allowed to read them (she hasnt adopted any of the language). He has a temper that he cant control and will not do anything about it. Recently a friend of a friends brother, Morgan, died of cancer. He refused to get reading glasses for nearly 10 years because theyre an old person thing (which was weird because like many old people he is farsighted, but so is my youngest sister who also wears glasses). I am currently 23. If you and your wife dont want your mother-in-law to use the honorific from your native language, tell her, and tell her why. Slate Plus Members Get More Advice From Jamilah Each Week From this week's letter, My Daughter Broke up With Her High School Boyfriend. Another approach is to have his kids flat out tell him how scared they are for his health in addition to the adult loved ones in his life. And as you know (because youre on your third kid now), its just going to be a work in progress. It had better be one that doesnt include the declaration that you raised two kids of your own successfully, because that too is beside the point (it will not reassure her). Then she suggested she call over the upcoming weekend so we could have a longer chat, as she had to leave for work. He was raised by his great grandparents and when they passed three years ago, my son-in-law inherited that house, where all 4 had been living. There is not a huge difference in what it will cost us, but enough to make a difference. I Despise My In-Laws. Lately, I have been teaching my 6-year old daughter about death and grieving. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. I Despise My In-Laws. Recently, a flood of race-centered questions has taken center stage in the column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? It will be! 87 Years After Nazis Stole My Grandfathers Citizenship, Germany Had an Offer for Me. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. Hes always been a little bit behind (within normal parameters) for self-regulating and similar skills, but hes not regressed too much. One is a state college 30 minutes away. Dear Care and. As I see it, one possibility of your calling them out on their ugliness to each other and how its affecting you will be a wake-up call. charter ship to port phasmatys / john boy and billy big show podcast / john boy and billy big show podcast My husband and I are expecting identical twin girls, and were having trouble with names. In the meantime, I wish you fortitude. I know what you may wish for most of all is for someone to tell you that your daughter will be OKthere were months, years, when that was all I wanted too, until I realized that anyones definition of OK is always unique, complex, and highly subjective (my own definition has certainly shifted and evolved a great deal). But, in general, that "demand" is coming from a little one. Because of that, he wants the kids to have rhyming names that begin with different letters. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group.. Dear Care and Feeding, My ex and I used to have a co-parenting agreement in which we both agreed to bring any parenting concerns directly to the other co-parent, but she never really followed that. This is a rite of passage that millions of American families deal with, and as long as you provide a loving environment to your son, he will get through it long before your first performance review at your new job. I dont know how close you are to your stepmom, but I would suggest enlisting her when you speak with your dad. Sometimes its in response to little things, like a line for the bathroom or a movie she likes being taken off Netflix, other times its a reaction to more major setbacks, like not getting the grade she wants on a test or not making a sports team. But honestly it feels like we dont have a relationship at all. The other day I sent my 35-year-old daughter a link to the weather report for where she lives (about icy, dangerous roadsI was concerned about her morning commute), and she phoned me to ask that I not send such things, as if you think Im incompetent. I took this as her setting a boundary and told her Id respect that, even though doing things for the people I love is my love language. Its college-selecting time for my 18-year-old. The only way she could persuade herself to go out was to extract a promise from you that youd text her if he refused the bottleshe was that specific. Explain that you know its difficult for them to hear these things about you and that you dont want them to be caught in the drama between you and your ex, but that you have no choice but to defend yourself. You cant do anything about that now, so you want to make sure your daughters experience is different. Hes been going on about Kaylie for a month nowtalking about what Kaylie said at the meetings, how nice/pretty she is, etc.and Im starting to get concerned. I let him play with my old, no longer used gloves of all kinds. England no longer existed. I hate my sister-in-law. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? Not to use a popular buzz phrase, but your role in this is to provide psychological safety and reassure him that everything will be OK, because it will be. Photo illustration by Slate. For her 40th birthday, they gave her a very expensive watch. (Questions may be edited for publication.). Shes very patient, kind, and funnyof course he likes her! Probably the most important thing is youre almost 65 years old. However, she is much stricter with him in what we feel is not an age-appropriate manner, and she doesnt deny treating him differently. How a Bizarre Swedish Docuseries About Men Parenting Tore the Country Apart. My partner and I are very upset by both the way she treats him differently and her analysis of the situation. Have a question for Care and Feeding? By that time, though, my son and DIL were going to be home in an hour anyway, so I just held him while he cried and did my best to comfort him. Jill Pellettieri, one of our contributing editors, brings her sage parenting wisdom (and many years worth of Slate knowledge) to Care and Feeding. I encouraged my daughter-in-law to attend the dinner with him while I cared for their 4-month-old. They complain about weaponized body odor and accuse each other of always shouting at me. It used to be theyd at least pretend to be interested in how each others days had gone before the arguments started every night, but now they often blow up the second theyre both home from work. If he says that hell try but does nothing, then youll have to follow through on your ultimatum. As her mom, keep instilling in her that being cute is wonderful, but it means nothing unless youre a good person. Our local library has a teen volunteer program, where high school students come and help shelve books and lead childrens activities and story time. But he didnt want that one either. I have met this friend-of-a-friend at a few parties, but we have never been very close, and I have never interacted with the brother. Still, I worry that when someone hears a lie over and over, a person can start to believe it is true. Unless he asked his sister if it was OK to share her personal business (which I doubt he did), this is a violation of trust. Still, I see no reason on earth for you to play with gloves (and obviously your infant daughter needs to be off-limits, both for this and other games she is too small for). I paid for him to obtain a six-month programming certification and am guiding him through next steps to begin a professional career. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Thats not a bad idea anyway, since it would give you a chance to read over and revise it before sending it. I can be too much too, so my heart goes out to you. (This may be the moment for me to tell you that Im not sure that cooking a meal for all three of you to eat that includes dairy when one of the three cant consume dairy is an example of completely idiotic stuff.). Nelson's Column had gone and there would be no outcry, because there was no one left to make an outcry. That didnt work. If he hadnt picked up those words from books, he would have learned them elsewhere, so I would probably just encourage him to read lots of other books as opposed to forbidding the ones you mentioned. Whether or not her mom overindulges her, wanting to pick which college she goes to and where she lives hardly makes your daughter a spoiled brat. I would cry, avoid, and hed eventually apologize and say hed try harder. All rights reserved. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. - Slate November 7, 2022 by Schools Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. I cant stand to read baby announcements. I love my younger siblings, though I sometimes feel more like an uncle than a brother. Many parents feel this way (and its often true, too). Now youve moved from nice guy status to pushover with no end in sight. My husband and I dont dwell on this, in fact we hardly comment on her appearance at all. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. She took the baby and left the room to feed him. So why doesnt that include getting help for his anger and behavioral issues? ), From this weeks letter,Ive Had It With Other Peoples Comments About My Baby: Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! Trust me when I say that finding your own identity as an identical twin can be incredibly difficult, but its made exponentially more difficult when their names are Terri and Carri or Ricki and Rika. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. I tell him his sister isnt into it (obviously, shes not), and I usually tell him I dont feel like putting on gloves either. But for one nursing mom, a fellow mother has become the source of her stress. Lately, though, he has also attempted to get his little sister (a baby) to wear them, or hell request that I do. Too ) shouting at me youre on your ultimatum 6-year old daughter about death and grieving parameters ) self-regulating... She took the baby and left the room to feed him want to make sure your daughters is. Her mom, keep instilling in her hometown race-centered questions has taken center stage in column. About that now, so you want, but I would suggest her. 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